No one asks out loud but I am sure the question is there...why now? Why are you all of a sudden trying to lose weight? It's not the first of the year so it can't be a new year's resolution or anything. Well, one thing I've learned is that waiting for a magical day before you start something wastes a lot of valuable time. The moment your mind is right is the exact moment you have to act upon that good energy.
My weight is on my mind at least 100 times a day. I think about it the minute I wake up, when I take a shower, when I'm getting dressed, every time I eat something, every time my husband touches me, when my kids ask me if there is a baby in my tummy, when I catch friends looking at me in disgust, every time I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror or in a photograph and when I am laying down to go to sleep. I have come to realize too, that my life revolves around my weight. For example, I avoid swimming even though I love it. It really is rather depressing to not love yourself or your life the way it is. As I said in a previous post, I have tried to battle this many times throughout my life and failed and the more I fail the more hopeless I feel.
So why am I setting myself up to fail again? Why bother trying? Well, my new motivation comes from my decision to go back to school. I haven't been in school for 10 years. I will be in a classroom full of under 21 year old girls and not only will be I be the 'old' one I'll also be the 'fat' one. The thought of it makes me so nervous I feel sick to my stomach if I think about it too long. But that is why I am doing this. I am tired of avoiding situations because I am uncomfortable in my own skin. And I realize I will still be the old fat one on the first day of school no matter what, but maybe I'll be a new person in time for graduation.
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