Well it happend. My biggest fear came true. Ok, maybe not my BIGGEST fear, but it's definitely up there. Yesterday I walked over to pick my son up from camp at 4:00 like I have everyday for the past 3 weeks and when he saw me he ran across the park backpack in hand tears streaming down his face.
"Someone said you are fat, but you're not fat you're beautiful mommy." He said as he hugged me ever so tightly. "When they said that about you I was heartbroken" he added.
It took every ounce of energy I had to not burst into tears myself, as I did not want to make him feel that this was a big deal or that the words of some 7 year old kid could really hurt me, or that they should upset him. I wiped his face and told him that if he thinks I am beautiful that is all that matters and that we don't care about that boy's opinion. He cheered up a little and we changed the subject for the walk home.
My mind however was thinking back to a time when my son was born and I remember saying to myself that I hope my kids are never teased because of their fat mom. (True story). I have to admit it hurts a lot to have a kid tell you that you are fat because kids are usually brutally honest, but having your own son tell you that you are beautiful definity outweighs the fat comment.
I have to say that my 6 year old son is always full of the best compliments and I love him to pieces for loving me just the way I am. He sees so deep into who I am on the inside that he doesn't even notice that the camp kid is actually right, I am fat.
I feel terrible that my son's heart was broken because I let my weight get out of control. I hope one day to be a skinny in shape mom so kids won't be able to hurt him ever again.
Stop saying you hope...
ReplyDeleteStart saying "I will be an in shape mom".
You must let go of what your body looked like yesterday and only embrace what it will look like tomorrow.
The hardest part of this journey is letting go. If we can't do that then there is no room to grasp new adventures.
I think you need to fuel yourself from the fact that your kid thinks you're beautiful. He's a reason to live for. He's a reason to get healthy for. Your boy loves you like no other, and the best present you can give him is NOT to be the not fat mom but to be the healthy mom that will strive her best to live long enough to see him graduate high school, graduate college, start a family of his own, and have kids of his own.
ReplyDeleteDo it for those reasons. You WILL be healthy. You WILL be fit. Because you have one very important reason (person) to live for!
I used to get teased not because my mom was fat (she was anorexic) or anything like that. I remember that in 5th grade someone teased me b/c my mom wanted to go on every class trip, or rather, she was available to do class activities. My mom was a former teacher and was great with kids. The complaint was really that his parents really weren't present.
ReplyDeleteMy point is this: sure, your son was teased and it hurt. BUT that other kid at least knows what you look like, that your son's mom cares to pick him up and take care of him. Your son, in return, loves you to bits.
Focus on that. I mean, if your son can love you to bits, you can love you to bits...or at least enough to want to be healthy and stick around for grandkids.
I agree with Tara - got to be positive. YOU WILL make the changes, and one day that kid will be in for the shock of his life.
ReplyDeleteI, too, went though the same thing with my kids. I coached softball, and they all asked my daughter how I could be a good coach if I was so fat. It's so motivating to have those kids see me now.
You are already changing your life for the better - and we're all here to keep you going...whenever you need us. :) **HUGS**
I think it says the world of words that your child felt comfortable enough to tell you what was said and how much it hurt him. He obviously loves you so much and I can FEEL how much you love him. It sounds like you are on the right track to making a change for the better. He will not only appreciate that in the future because of your health, but also because he will see that you want the best for him.
ReplyDeleteWow. I can see how that would really sting, but you can't let your weight define you. Kids are kids and often they're mean or don't know better. Your son knows you and knows your heart and knows that you're more than just a "fat mom", you're HIS mom. Your weight has nothing to do with that love and bond.
ReplyDeleteHang in there!