Saturday, July 31, 2010

Day 18 of 730 (Swimming)

When I was a kid I practically lived in the water. My mom lived with my grandmother in an apartment and they had an outdoor pool. I would spend almost my whole summer in the pool from the minute it opened until the minute it closed. I had an awesome tan.

As I grew up I would swim every chance I could up until about 13 or 14 years old when I realized I didn't quite have a bathing suit body. All of a sudden I was avoiding the water as much as possible.

As an adult I can probably count on my hand how many times I've gone swimming. It's generally when I am on vacation and feel like I will not see anyone I know. Although funny enough, last year in Cuba I bumped into my best friend's sister at the resort. I recently braved the water park at Canada's Wonderland for the first time since it opened. I loved it. Granted I had shorts on over my bathing suit but I did it.

Today I am taking my kids swimming with my husband. My 4 year old son needs some exposure to the pool before he starts his swimming lessons in September. I am learning to not let my insecurities punish my kids and also to accept myself for who I am.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Day 17 of 730 (Perfectionist)

I have been monitoring my weight loss trends in my life a lot lately. What worked in the past and what did not? Why didn't certain things work? What made me give up? How can I change these areas to produce positive results? These are some of the questions I've been reflecting on.

What I realize the most is I give up rather easily if I get off track, have a bad day or week or if it's just plain too hard. I give up if I feel like all my sacrifices and hard work are for nothing (a.k.a. a disappointing number on the scale).

I am not sure why I have this perfectionist mind state when it comes to my weight loss because I would never think someone else failed or should give up if they had a bad day, week or month. I find I come down really hard on myself if I 'mess up' and I need to address this issue and learn to accept the fact that I am only human.

I am at about the same stage where the risk of quitting is at it's highest, as history shows, so I need to be aware of my feelings more and remain strong, positive and moving forward no matter what.

How do you deal with your bad days? How do you let go and move forward without giving up?

Day 16 of 730 (New Scale)

My old scale is, well, old. It's not digital and the screen seems discoloured slightly. It is very hard to tell exactly what line it's pointing too. I have hated my scale for a few years now, and not just for the number it was showing me either. So last night I finally bought a new scale. I got a weight watchers glass one and it is so sexy.

Since I am not weighing in until August 1st I had my kids test it out for me. They liked being able to see how much they weigh without me having to tell them. They can easily read the scale themselves. I can't wait to test out all the features it has such as Body Fat, BMI, Body Water and Bone Mass. Not that I really need to know all of that. I like that is has a 10 user memory so it will always know me.

I am super excited to weigh in on Sunday. Stay tuned for my results :)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Day 15 of 730 (Your Mom Is Fat)

Well it happend. My biggest fear came true. Ok, maybe not my BIGGEST fear, but it's definitely up there. Yesterday I walked over to pick my son up from camp at 4:00 like I have everyday for the past 3 weeks and when he saw me he ran across the park backpack in hand tears streaming down his face.

"Someone said you are fat, but you're not fat you're beautiful mommy." He said as he hugged me ever so tightly. "When they said that about you I was heartbroken" he added.

It took every ounce of energy I had to not burst into tears myself, as I did not want to make him feel that this was a big deal or that the words of some 7 year old kid could really hurt me, or that they should upset him. I wiped his face and told him that if he thinks I am beautiful that is all that matters and that we don't care about that boy's opinion. He cheered up a little and we changed the subject for the walk home.

My mind however was thinking back to a time when my son was born and I remember saying to myself that I hope my kids are never teased because of their fat mom. (True story). I have to admit it hurts a lot to have a kid tell you that you are fat because kids are usually brutally honest, but having your own son tell you that you are beautiful definity outweighs the fat comment.

I have to say that my 6 year old son is always full of the best compliments and I love him to pieces for loving me just the way I am. He sees so deep into who I am on the inside that he doesn't even notice that the camp kid is actually right, I am fat.

I feel terrible that my son's heart was broken because I let my weight get out of control. I hope one day to be a skinny in shape mom so kids won't be able to hurt him ever again.

Day 14 of 730 (The Hangover)

I feel like I have a hangover this morning but I didn't even have anything to drink last night. What I did do last night was over indulge. I finished up my dinner at 5:30pm but didn't go to sleep until 1:30am. During that time I managed to eat popcorn, areo single bar, a mango, frozen yogurt and toast with cheese. Please don't judge me. It is very hard for me to share my failure but I did say from day 1 that i would share the good and the bad and be honest either way.

I regret it today and I am not really sure why I let myself snack so much. I do think it could be because my period should be coming soon. Sorry for too much information, but it's a given that this time of the month offers it's own set of challenges.

I am not letting last night's slip up break me down though. Instead I am leaving it in the past and moving on with today. I already made myself eat some cereal for breakfast and have planned my meals for the day. I will still do my workout as usual. Tonight I will be out of the house for part of the evening so that will help me control any further cravings.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Day 13 of 730 (Keeping A Journal)

I used to be a member of weight watchers. I started there sometime after my first son was born in 2003. I lost about 25lbs with them in about 6 months. Once my membership expired though I couldn't afford to continue going. I did well on my own until I got pregnant again in 2005. After that pregnancy I tried Jenny Craig and failed, so I went back to weight watchers. I didn't lose much at all this time around so I quit going there too. (those places are expensive)

The one thing i did learn from weight watchers though, is the importance of knowing what you are eating each day and each week. That is why food journals are such a big emphasis in their program. I have always been bad about journals, especially with having to also find the point values and add or subtract them etc. Since I am not counting points this time and am only trying to make better choices I have decided to start a food journal. My sister was kinda enough to share some journal logs she had. There are 3 sheets; one for food, one for cardio and one for other workout routines (lifting weights etc). I am not sure if I will track all of those yet but today I will start a food journal.

I am hoping that by keeping a journal again I will be more aware of what I am eating and when I am eating it. I think it will help make sure I am having 3 meals a day and balanced snacks. It also has a section to track water intake and I know that will be beneficial to me as well.

Do you journal your food intake? Do you find it helps you stay on track?

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Day 12 of 730 (Weekly Reflection)

Well today is Sunday and it is time to reflect on this past week. I am so very proud of myself this week for what I have accomplished. I have broke a personal record this week with my workout routine.

In my lifetime I have never stuck with a workout this much before and I feel so accomplished already. This week I worked out for 6 days in a row, surpassing my goal of 5 days. It wasn't easy and I am feeling it but I will not slow down just yet. My goal for this coming week is 5 days. The best days for me to work out are Monday-Friday so I am trying to look at it as part of my job...something I just have to do.

I cannot say that I am enjoying my work outs but it's not terrible and I am sure I can get used to it if I keep it a part of a strict routine. Just before a workout I take about 30minutes to get myself psyched up for it. Once I begin I try to get lost in the music that I'm certain the whole neighbourhood can hear. When I complete my workout I still find myself slightly light headed so I sit for a few minutes in a meditation like state and try to breathe through it before I take a shower. Once my shower is complete I feel really good and motivated to eat well because of the hard work I just put in.

My eating habits have changed and I am back to being aware of what I am eating, portion sizes and checking for calories, fat, fibre and sugar. I have had a few treats as well such as an areo single chocolate bar to curb a craving before a binge occurs. I've managed to stay away from all other junk around here simply by treating myself to the single size chocolate bar. I'm back to eating smart pop popcorn when I feel snacky late at night. But the biggest accomplishment this week eating wise has actually been with my water intake. I am surprised at how much water I have consumed and even more surprised that my 12 pack of diet coke is still not finished. I used to go through almost 2 cases a week.

I am very excited for next Sunday as that is the 1st of the month and my weigh in day. For those who missed it, I am weighing in only the 1st of each month as I do not want the scale to make me feel disappointed like it has in the past. I will share with you all the pounds and inches lost or gained (if any) so be sure to check back with me on August 1st.