Saturday, August 7, 2010

Day 25 of 730 (Old Pictures)

My whole life I have felt fat. I was never the biggest in the school but I was always the biggest in my group, in 4 different schools. I never felt good enough. I never felt comfortable wearing the same kind of clothes they would wear even though I liked them. I always wanted to wear big baggy clothes. Occasionally I would wear a tight fitting top but never tight jeans. I always had a smaller upper body and then huge thighs.

I remember how I felt about myself so vividly. So when I was looking through some old pictures yesterday and saw myself, even beside my skinny friends, I couldn't believe the first thought that came to my head, "OMG I was so thin!" I could see my collar bone sticking out, my stomach was flat and although my thighs were a bit big they offered me a nice shape and I did not look fat.

I wish I enjoyed the years my body was like that. I wish I didn't waste them thinking I wasn't good enough. I cannot wait to look like that again. In fact I think I will tape those pics all over my treadmill so I can be reminded every day how beautiful I can be if I just stick to this.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Day 24 of 730 (Going To College)

I haven't been in school for 10 years but as of September 7th I'll be back in school. I am feeling many emotions about it but mostly I'm nervous. Not only am I nervous about new routines, finding enough time in a day to balance kids, husband, school and my business, but I am very nervous about my weight loss efforts.

My routine of being at home most of the time has been wonderful. I wake up throw something on and take my son to school, come home make some coffee, check emails, facebook, twitter, write a blog or two, have more coffee...Basically I can take my time.

I anticipate waking up much earlier most days and rushing like a mad woman to get two kids to school (little one starts big school this year) and get myself to school, all without a car. I am trying to imagine in my mind getting a healthy dinner cooked, kids homework done, my homework done, booking parties for my business, working out 5 times a week, working parties all weekend, cleaning, laundry etc etc.

I am so scared that I am going to be too tired or too busy to work out. I guess I know deep down that is just up to me to make it happen but I am scared I will fail. I need to develop a plan to continue eating right and exercising enough so that I will not resort back to my old habits.

If anyone has tips that work for them I would love to hear them.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Day 23 of 730 (That Time)

This post is really for the ladies, (Sorry guys).

So my period showed up almost a week late this month. I am assuming it's because of my new exercise routine. Now that it is here I feel so fat and bloated. I am suffering with extreme cramps (but that's nothing new). What is new is that I work out now and well, I need to know if the fact that my period is here means I should take it easy or just keep going as per usual. I naturally feel weak, hot and tired when my period is here. I cannot imagine working out today yet something inside tells me it's no excuse.

I would like some advice from my lady friends as to how you manage your weight loss efforts during your cycle. Do you eat differently or incorporate specific foods? Do you lighten your work out or skip it altogether or just continue as usual? Do you find that the weight gain during your cycle sticks or are you back to normal once aunt flo leaves?

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Day 22 of 730 (Fast Food)

Whenever I reflect on the changes I've made the past 3 weeks one always stands out the most. We haven't had take out or fast food in a long time. I'm not sure when it started but we would order something every Thursday or Friday and then usually ate fast food on the weekends....sometimes twice in one day. Now the only 2 times I've eaten fast food was for a wrap at Mr. Sub.

The most surprising thing for me is I don't miss it and I'm not craving it. I am not saying I will never eat fast food again or have an order in night once in a while, but it will be just once in a while.

When I think about dinner now, I crave 'real' food and I love that feeling. The fact that my body wants a plate full of broccoli or a bowl of salad reaffirms that I am on the road to success. It's a long road but I plan to just keep going like Forrest Gump did when he just felt like running.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Day 21 of 730 (Now it's a Habit, Right?)

They say if you do something for 21 days it will become a habit. I'm not so sure about that. I think I could very easily wake up tomorrow and give up. That is why I know today more than any day I must stick to plan and get my workout in.

I am being firm with myself this time because I know I have failed before. I once gave up chips, chocolate, ice cream etc for over 21 days and one taste of chocolate sent me on a sugar binge for weeks. This time I am not eliminating chocolate completely and so far it's working perfectly.

I never want to miss more than 2 days of working out in a row. I want to continue making it a huge part of my everyday life so that I will not binge on skipping workouts. I know it will take far more than 21 days to make a habit out of this fact it will take a whole lifetime of dedication.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Day 20 of 730 (Health vs Self Image)

I know I am supposed to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I need to lose weight and get in shape so that I can be in better health for myself and my children. I should want to do this so that I do not die at age 59 like my nana did due to the 101 conditions she had, some weight related and some smoking related. I should do it because I am genetically at risk of developing diabetes, heart disease, stroke and a bunch of other crap. I know this reason should surpass all other reasons and while I respect the importance of health and the need to be healthy, this reason is not at the forefront of my heart.

All I am hoping for is to fit in clothing from a normal store. To be able to zip up my jeans and not have to stuff myself into them and perhaps look great in them too. I want to want to have my picture taken. I want to feel like a normal person rather than a fat person.

I hate how vain I look putting more emphasis on appearance rather than my health but inside I have craved for this feeling for a long time. I finally feel on track to reaching my goal thanks to so many inspiring people I've found through twitter. I know the fact that my heart will be stronger and my weight will be lower and my body will be functioning more like it was designed to is by far the most important thing. But when I buy my first pair of skinny jeans, that is when I will know I have done what I set out to do.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Day 19 of 730 (Week In Review + Weigh In)

This week I got through my husband's birthday and our first date night since being on this journey. Instead of getting a birthday cake, I baked low fat carrot muffins with icing on the side for those who wanted icing. Carrot cake and muffins are his favorite so it was win win. Yesterday we went out for dinner and I enjoyed the menu and my meal. I felt like pasta with white sauce and mushrooms and that is what I had. We shared a piece of chocolate brownie cheesecake and I enjoyed that too. I did choose to drink only water though. When we went to the movie theatre afterwards I didn't have any popcorn. Instead, I packed a kitkat single bar in my purse.

The rest of the week was great. I ate 3 meals a day, snacked much less most days and have been more aware of protein in my meals. I have been drinking a glass of water to ensure I really am hungry before snacking. I realized that sometimes I am just thirsty.

I worked out 4 times this week and MUST workout again today at some point. I missed Wednesday due to my husband's birthday celebrations and promised to make it up one day this weekend. I dislike the workout itself but I LOVE the feeling afterwards. I feel so accomplished once I'm finished and showered. My plan was to start increasing the time on the treadmill this week but I have decided to take things slow. I am still finding 25 minutes difficult to get through and I am still nervous to push too much. I have a fear of fainting as I have fainted occasionally throughout my childhood due to excessive exercise or suddenly feeling too hot. Fainting is what turned me off of exercise at the age of 6.

Anyway, today is August, 1st and that means it is weigh in day. It's been 19 days so far and I am excited to see how I am doing. (I probably shouldn't have ate such a heavy meal last night) But, I am happy to say I have lost 4.3lbs. I am going to update inches every 2 months so you can read about that with my next weigh in on September 1st.